Seekers On A Journey

When Sanjida and I got married, we decided to put conscious thought into the many rituals of marriage. One such ritual was that of Mahr, an obligatory gift that the groom must give the bride to be. At the time, Sanjida was not a woman who wanted much. When asked, she settled with the typical Mahr settlements that most go for. However, we were both unsatisfied with such a settlement, one that did not have our hearts and souls in it but simply settled for the mahr as a mechanical and mindless ritual of our marriage.

We asked ourselves, what does mahr mean to each of us? For me, I had noticed a pattern in our relationship where I would be dissatisfied often because I felt that I was the only one who wanted things. Sanjida was easy going and wanted little. This troubled me. I wanted a wife who would want a lot with me and from me. Sanjida herself saw how wanting little got in her way of enjoying life to its fullest. We both learned a lesson, that Allah is Al-Ghani, the abundant. And it is an insult NOT to want a lot from Allah. It is based on a scarce assumption that Allah doesn’t have much to give, OR that Allah doesn’t want to give much. Allah is oft-giving and part of our job is to ask much from Allah so that we can be thankful. In that spirit, Sanjida took it upon herself to give herself the permission to want something that came from her heart. She chose wisely and picked something she didn’t believe she was ready for – Hajj.

Sanjida faced a lot of beliefs about Hajj and how she wasn’t ready. Picking this to be our Mahr, she forced herself into a situation where she would have to face her negative beliefs about herself, about how Allah may not look favorably upon her etc. She was well on her way to wanting. And it totally energized our relationship and our married life.

We first thought we would go to Hajj right after our wedding. But we learned that one of the criteria of Hajj was to be debt-free. We had some debt and started to look at our debt. We categorized our debt into long term and short term. We learned that we needed to pay off our short term debt to be eligible for Hajj. Things like house debt and student loans we considered long term debt. We worked out a plan to pay off our short term debt and within a year we would be ready for Hajj.

What we discovered through this process was that Hajj isn’t just a journey of the physical body to Makkah. It is an orientation, a focus of consciousness in our daily lives to facilitate the journey to Makkah. That the preparation is a journey of its own. As far as I’m concerned, we started our journey when we got married and have been on that journey till now, where we are blessed by Allah to manifest the journey into the physical world. We learned that some folks on the western end of Africa plan their ENTIRE life to move eastwards, so in the span of 60-80 years they can travel to Makkah. In this way, their ENTIRE lives become a pilgrimage to Makkah.

If the journey of Hajj begins before the physical journey to Hajj, then does the journey of Hajj continue after of the physical journey? Do we become pilgrims for life? If so, where is that pilgrimage to? That is the answer we seek. We are “test driving” an answer, that the journey is the journey home, to our ultimate home. What is that ultimate home? Allah only knows. That’s the answer we seek on this journey.